“Dear White People” Kills White People


Recently there was an announcement of a new Netflix production of a show called Dear White People based on the film of the same name. It is a sarcastic funny different perspective on what life looks like for black students in the world of college education. It offers a new standard of what is acceptable for white people to do or not do in order to understand and respect black people. For many of us white people this would be something we are doing for the very first time. However, there are some Americans (mostly on twitter it seems) who have said that this show will bring about “White Genocide” No I am not making this up. You can’t make shit like this up. Here is my response to those white American’s who are cancelling their Netflix subscription because they claim they are creating a show which will begin a white genocide. This is a bit of a rant so please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.

Shhhh, nobody tell the white people cancelling their Netflix subscription over Dear White People that the show Empire is on Hulu. Now you gotta cancel that subscription too. Oh and stop listening to all songs with black singers and rappers because that’s how they are going to finance their “White Genocide.” Oh and Blackish, the award winning comedy is on ABC. So stop watching anything on ABC who also owns Disney. Damn it!! Didn’t see that one coming did ya? Gotta cancel that. Aw, that means no more cartoons for the kids. But saving their precious white lives is more important right #WhiteLivesMatter. So now you gotta stop paying to see Dory or Moana (She’s black) or Elsa or the new Cars 3 (McQueen’s tires are black), Oh ya did you know 45 of the 67 Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots are Black? So that’s right you gotta STOP WATCHING the NFL. Cancel that NFL Season pass and Sunday ticket right away. No Super Bowl for you this year. And I won’t even tell you how many other NFL players are black. White people you could NOT handle it. Suffice it to say that you all have just become hockey fans. I don’t even have the heart to tell you 6 out of the 9 cast members on HBO’s Ballers are black so pick up the phone and tell HBO just how racist you are and how you won’t put up with all these blacks on TV and the internet threatening to kill you by being on TV and the internet. That’s right, you call and tell em you don’t care if you can’t watch Game of Thrones, Girls, True Detective, Insecure – wait, that’s an all black cast (mostly) too. Well there you go. The blacks ARE taking over and getting things set to launch their master plan, “White Genocide.” Call HBO, You tell em how you are cancelling your subscription and how obviously HBO now stands for HOME of the BLACK OVERLOARDS! Then fire up your internet browser and fire Amazon (Amazons: large black women who lived deep in the rainforests of Brazil) for Carrying “Being Mary Jane.” They have all 4 seasons. Starting this weekend better boycott Saturday Night Live and everything NBC too because you know 4 SNL cast members are black. It’s only a matter of time before the blacks rise up and start killing all the white people around them. We can only hope Alec Baldwin survives. Speaking of blacks killing people have you seen the way Michonne is threatening EVERY WHITE PERSON IN AMERICA with that sword?michonne_katana

And that other black guy (Morgan) with his staff and those other black people (Sasha and Gabriel oh and King Ezekiel) with their guns and fists and tigers and violence. This show (the walking dead) on AMC (which you now need to call and cancel as well) is just code for Blacks to say “White America your days are numbered. You are the Walking Dead”. The White Genocide is coming! So call and cancel, cancel it all. I’m not even gonna tell you what is happening on BET right this minute. What’s the point anyway if we (white people) are all gonna die? But as a last ditch effort, Call your congressmen, call your representatives and let em know. White Genocide is a comin! Beg them to protect you if they can. Call the police to protect you – except the black ones of course ‘cause they’ll kill ya. Call the National Guard but not those who are darker than a paper bag, cause they’ll kill ya. Call the armed forces, except those servicemen and women who had grandparents who were slaves cause they’ll kill ya! Call the president! Wait don’t call the president, he just tweeted @realDonaldTrump “White people are being treated so unfairly by Netflix. Just cancelled White House Netflix account, Will not support White Genocide, Complete disaster. Black people prepare for nuclear war” So now white people run into the streets screaming to the world “The White Genocide is coming. Start hoarding Mayonnaise, Boxed wine, Tater Tots, Apple Juice and Caviar. This is the end for us all!”

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Ok, I am catching my breath and have calmed down a little. Now I know enough white people and I can confirm a few things. They like to believe they are the best at anything they do. In this case I can say they are right. I have never seen such an epic level overreaction at such a completely asinine level before. Congratulations White people this has got to be the best dumbest racist bullshit ever. And one last thing, If you think a black female co-ed like the one from Dear White People is on her way to your house to kill you because she schooled you on what it means to be black, you are the kind of pussy (sorry ladies) only trump will grab.

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Mic Dropped

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MickGee is ‘Wearing out the Silence’


Week 1: Wear out the Silence

It was around 11:30 when I left the house to head out into my world that is America this Friday 1-27-17. I was filled apprehension and excitement knowing I was putting myself in a position to come into debate, verbal assault, a measured discussion but hopefully not violence. It would be sort of like Facebook only in real life. Quite frankly that is not a good thing most of the time. Lots of conflict on the walls of F.B. these days. But I was psyched up and ready to meet America and hear its thoughts about this white man and his Black Lives Matter shirt.

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So with my Black Lives Matter shirt wrapped tightly around my body. Mine is just a little more ‘snug’ than I would like – that reminds me I gotta get to the gym this afternoon. I’ll add that to the list; 1) Wear out the Silence 2) Wear out my abs 3) wear out the calories I ate for lunch. 4) Wear out my eyes at the movies tonight because it’s Friday!! But I digress. So I load up the car with some things I need to drop off at the school. I teach a couple of classes at the local Charter school Monday afternoons and I wanted to have my materials there and ready to go so I thought I’ll swing by and drop them off. About half way there my mind started thinking. “Wait, can I or should I walk into my school as a teacher with a Black Lives Matter shirt? What would the students say? What would the administration or the parents say?” Then my mind conformed what I already know. HELL YA! Why do you think I get the shirt in the first place? I WANT someone to say something. I wanna hear what people REALLY think face to face. So I ROCKED that shirt up and down the halls of the school, intentionally making two trips to my car for the materials even though I could have done it in one. Hoping, expecting, anticipating, that first comment, the ‘first contact’ if you will with others.

And while there were looks and many smiles there was no real engagement. So I am left with my only option of speculation or for me to imply what I think people might be thinking. Here is my best shot. My first encounter was with a teacher (one of two on staff with blond hair and blue eyes) who clearly saw my shirt and then looked me square in the eyes with a sort of solidarity but also a look of “better you than me” feeling. The next was a different teacher whose eyes said softly “You’re NOT serious are you?” All others either didn’t pay attention to the shirt or just didn’t see it. But no one voiced any obvious support or disagreement. So I went on to my next stop, THE MALL.

I walked in the main doors to the huge open atrium food court and proceeded to the Asian Food buffet for some rice, noodles and veggies. The man who helped me seemed a little shaken by my shirt. After taking my order he tried to serve me the wrong items, then he tripped as he handed my food to the cashier and after catching himself then knocked one of the serving spoons off the counter with a clang. I clearly made him nervous. However, something happened next that I thought was pretty cool. I ordered a 2 item combo which is $7.89 plus a large drink $1.79 for a total of $9.68 plus tax. The young lady at the register, who was Hispanic, charged me $6.60 total. I didn’t know it at the time but she was giving me the “people of solidarity” discount. After my meal I looked at the receipt and realized what she had done and went up to say something to her. She responded “Yeah, I just charged you for a half and half” but her manager was behind her and stepped into the conversation correcting her and saying the amount should have been more. He then said it was their “mistake” but there would not be any additional charge. The girl looked at me with eyes that said what she could not. “Thank you” they said “thank you for wearing the shirt and being white while you are doing it.” And they said, “Thank you FOR GETTING ME IN TROUBLE WITH MY MANAGER WTF!?” Next time I’ll know better and I will simply accept the support. Asian Express at the Bay Shore Mall ROCKS!

Next stop the auto parts store. I knew this one could be risky. Many of my conservative friends are car nuts and hang out at the auto parts store. So I was ready for some push back. But surprisingly it never came. I made my purchase and we talked for a minute about cars. There was no tone of voice or strange looks but there was a little awkward body language. It was just enough that I knew once I left, the first words out of this very nice young man’s mouth to his fellow workers would be “Holy S^%T, Did you see that guy’s shirt, WTF? What is he thinkin’?” But I felt nothing out of the ordinary about my experience except the usual great customer service I receive at Oreily Auto Parts. Next stop, THE GYM.

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So I roll into the Gym at 3 PM on a beautiful sunny winter afternoon in the Pacific North West. What an amazing time of year. You just can’t get this color of green anywhere else. I am greeted by the “behind the counter” guy at the club. He takes my “mark of the beast” keychain to prove I am marked by the workout Anti-Christ. Lucky for me I am already “saved” so there is nothing they can really do to me that I am not about to do to myself in their workout torture chamber. So I get scanned in then I unzip my outer jacket revealing the billboard shirt that is my BLM statement. I await the gasps of disbelief and cries of despair as I stride confidently toward the free weight section of the club. What’s that I hear instead? A faint voice seemingly form an Adam Sandler movie “You can duit.” So with confidence I hit my workout hard. I have a series of 5 exercises, max weight, one set to failure. High Intensity. Between sets I walk across the club floor mainly to catch my breath and get some much needed H2O. I walk past the ab punishment room and the treadmills of terror. No one meets my gaze except one guy on his way out wearing a ‘Compton’ knit beanie. No words, just the universal man to man bro nod of acknowledgement. Peace my brother from a different mother, peace.

I did get some sympathetic looks (emphasis on the pathetic) from some of the girls. Not sure if they were supportive or pitying but they made eye contact nonetheless and some smiled politely. HEY that’s more than I get most weeks from the ladies wearing tight ‘spandexy’ workout clothes and earbuds, so I am soaking it in people! Believe me. So I finish off my ab torture routine maxing out the crunch machine again at a weight that I will not say because I do not want others to feel small. Let’s just say it was probably more than you weigh. So chew on that. Yah, my testosterone is pumping after my workout and it’s awesome!! I am PUMPED! After each of my HIT routines, I Iike to HIT the massage chair (see what I did there?) Today was special though. I approached the flatbed hot hydro massage lounge with seductive weariness and fell into the loving caress of the indentations of the surface. It gently cradles my buttocks and wraps my shoulders massaging away the pain with a sort of rough yet playful hot water pattern of ecstasy.

When we were done with our 10 minutes of mutual love I returned to the front counter and openly declared to the behind the counter girl that I believe hydro massage lounge #4 and I were now very close and may be forming a serous relationship. What I didn’t tell the behind the counter girl or the many other gym patrons now listening closely was that this hydro massage lounge is BLACK! Hear that DAD, she is BALCK! Wow where did THAT come from? Hmm. Need to bring that up with my therapist. Anyway, the girl takes my #4 token from me and looks at me like I am completely nuts. Then she reads my shirt “Black Lives Matter” she smiles in a way that says “Please just go away quietly and don’t speak to me anymore… please” So I smile and bid farewell to my friends and lovers at Planet Fitness Bay Shore Mall. See you all again next week. Get used to it people EVERY FRIDAY you get to deal with me. The shirt next week will be “I can’t Breathe.” Next stop THE MOVIES.

There I was, standing in the queue or the “rope maze” as I like to call it. If you’re not careful you can get lost waiting in line at the theater and possibly have to face a Minotaur before you can buy your tickets or get snacks and drinks. I scanned the crowd of eager Friday night movie goers for anyone who was looking my way. Seeing if anyone would notice the shirt and make eye contact. I know eye contact is the bane of our modern society. Non-the-less, one man standing just to my left did peek at the shirt and looked me up and down but decided to remain silent. (Full disclosure, I am approx. 6’6” tall and 300 lbs.) maybe he thought better of engaging, who can say.

Once I knew I survived the movie maze of madness and reached the counter unscathed I did notice the woman who was waiting on me seemed EXTRA nice and unusually chatty. It could have been that she was just feelin’ good on a Friday night but from all the people I have known who have worked at a movie theatre I doubt it. My favorite part was when she swiped my rewards card and told me that she was going to “upgrade” my purchase. For a moment I envisioned a truly first class viewing experience with reclining padded heated massage chairs with speakers and sub-woofer right beneath my, ahem “sub-woofer” (if you know what I mean) and a dinner menu with pasta, pizza, Asian cuisine and sushi. But instead she just meant I could get some candy for $2.50 instead of the usual low rate fixed loan at 3.13% for the candy which I could then pay back in installments over the next 6 months. Oh AND I had earned a free unrestricted ticket. So tonight I was seeing a first run movie on its premier weekend for FREE. That’s right people I am a Visual Veloci-VIP. Mic Drop!

So I get my snacks and FREE ticket and head to the theater. I knew at this point that my chances of anyone seeing the shirt were pretty much over since it was dark and we were all facing the same direction, so I got comfortable and enjoyed the movie. Let me tell you a little bit about the film. It opens with Washington D.C. in ruins. The Capitol building, White house and Washington monument are destroyed beyond repair and the world has come to an end except for a small contingent of people who have held on facing unbelievable odds against their survival. A madman has seized power and is trying literally to destroy the world which will then be rebooted and populated with the uber wealthy all of whom lye safely in cryo-stasis in a secure underground facility only to be awoken after all of humanity has been extinguished to pave the way for them to rise and repopulate the planet making it over in their own image. Wait, I’m sorry, that was just the twitter and facebook feed I was reading on my phone before the movie. And Resident Evil Part 6 was a greed motivated apocalypse too.

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So after the action fest of death and horror. By this I mean the movie. I made my way to the lobby – by the way for fans of the Resident Evil franchise you MUST stay ALLLLLLLL the way to the VERY, very end of the credits. Worth it. So I walk out to the lobby. And the theater manager walks past in front of me eying my shirt. I then see a woman looking at my shirt and she starts walking toward me. The theater manager stops and turns to her and asks her if everything is ok. Yes seriously he did this. The woman looks at him and says everything is fine and I walk past. Interesting yes? As I round the corner passing the concession counter I see 2 black ladies ordering their food and one spots me and turns to her friend and makes a gesture I cannot see. I imagine she says “Ooo-Ooo look, another white man with a shirt he doesn’t understand. Man WHITE people are CRAZY!” Neither of them say anything to me but I think to myself. “You ladies have a good time at the movies, my work is done here” Exit. Next stop, HOME.

Time for a new National Symbol


I wanted to find a symbol that might depict for all people the feeling of people of color in America surrounding the unjustified shootings and violence and discrimination and institutional racism which is recently being spoken against in our public arenas and in the streets. I wanted that perfect image of what the state of justice and civil rights and equality in our country are.

So at first I thought of the obvious image of the American flag used to signal distress by being flown upside down. Here is what the Law of the United States says about it.

THE UNITED STATES FLAG CODE
Title 4, Chapter 1

  • 8(a)The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.

Here is an example of how to effectively display the flag in distress by an active member of the military.

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The statement he wrote on the upside down flag reads “There is no flag large enough to cover the shame of killing innocent people”

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Then I thought we need an image that is truly current and represents the mood of the oppressed so I looked and found the flag of protest pictured here.

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A group of protesters demonstrating together against police violence and brutality on blacks marching in the streets. The flag depicting the names of those shot and killed.

As I continued my search I thought I would play with the idea of designing a NEW AMERICAN FLAG. After all Betsy Ross had her chance so I would take mine. I envisioned a flag much like ours but in black and white instead of red, white and blue. Black and White to show the huge divide between Black and White perspectives of the world in America. But my design needed something to drive home the horrendous nature of the violence we have seen between blacks and police of late. So I thought to put one RED STRIPE across my new flag to show in stark relief the image I wanted to invoke in people the current state of things. Here is my first design:

Unfortunately someone else already created it. This is a flag you can buy today from Amazon.com https://www.amazon.com/Thin-Red-Line-Flag-Firefighters/dp/B01A97O0KE/ref=pd_bxgy_86_img_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=476NFKNN1NGQDG6RCCN5

Here is what the listing at Amazon says The Thin Red Line is a symbol used to recognize Firefighters for their unwavering courage. Between harm’s way and innocent citizens stands a thin red line of committed firefighters and EMTs (Emergency Medical Technicians.) These brave men and women, first responders, put their lives second to those that they protect.”

You may know that “The Thin Red Line” thin-red-line-movie is a film from 1998 about war focusing on the conflict at Guadalcanal during the second World War. Here is an excerpt:

Private Edward P. Train: [narration] This great evil, where’s it come from? How’d it steal into the world? What seed, what root did it grow from? Who’s doing this? Who’s killing us, robbing us of life and light, mocking us with the sight of what we might’ve known? Does our ruin benefit the earth, does it help the grass to grow, the sun to shine? Is this darkness in you, too? Have you passed through this night?

Wow! That is kind of spooky as to how this seemingly random dialog from a movie by the same name as this flag speaks to what is happening in the streets of America today. Maybe the designers didn’t know about this movie when naming this flag design. So I was even more confused and unsure about my design ideas but it did remind me of another Black White and Red flag design.

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The flag of the German Empire during World War 1. Once again seems like knowing a little history could serve us well when trying to decide on a new American symbol. I was learning this flag designing stuff was hard.

I was undeterred however and would not give up. I wanted to continue my search but not before I came across this flag as well

You’ll never guess what this one is for…

Amazon.com https://www.amazon.com/Thin-Blue-Line-Flag-Embroidered/dp/B00ZDA120Y/ref=pd_bxgy_86_img_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=8A96E18CTWJQ7QXPK9FQ

The Amazon listing explains it this way. The Thin Blue Line is a symbol recognizing Law Enforcement Officers (LEOs) for their courage while keeping the peace. One black bar below represents the criminal element in society. One black bar above represents the innocent citizens. What stands in the middle is a thin blue line of committed Police. Display this flag to support the brave men and women that serve and protect.”

thin-blue-line-movieYou may know that “The Thin Blue Line” is a movie from 1988. Synopsis from IMDB “A film that successfully argued that a man was wrongly convicted for murder by a corrupt justice system in Dallas County, Texas.”

Maybe the flag designers didn’t know about this. Hmm.

If these designers are so far off how can I expect to do better? I plunged forward in my search for the perfect new American flag symbol. But wait, then THIS! From Cornell University Law School:

 

18 U.S. Code § 700 – Desecration of the flag of the United States; penalties

(a)(1) Whoever knowingly mutilates, defaces, physically defiles, burns, maintains on the floor or ground, or tramples upon any flag of the United States shall be fined under this title or imprisoned for not more than one year, or both.

(2) This subsection does not prohibit any conduct consisting of the disposal of a flag when it has become worn or soiled.

 

Wait a minute. I wanted to design a new flag but just realized that almost every picture of the flag, both present and future, I have shown hear could be breaking the law. If I continue I could be fined and jailed for a year!? Oh well I say, “WORTH IT!” Moving on.

But since so many others seem to be acting criminally with there use of the flag and flag designs I thought Hey you better be smart about this. Know the history of the symbolism of your own flag before you start. So I did some research. Ultimately there is NO OFFICIAL SYMBOLISM for our flags colors of symbols. The exception being the number of stars and each one representing a state. The history of the red white and blue are simply our new nation coopting the colors from mother England’s Union Jack. Ok so we like red, white and blue. I can work with that. So I think finally I have my design. I present to you for the first time anywhere the new symbol of American. Please rise and salute the flag of the United States of America.

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Or maybe this one. Maybe more than any other design this embodies America. Sex, Female Exploitation, Skin, Women’s bodies, did I mention SEX

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Wait how did that get in here? To my wife “Honey look away. This was just a momentary distraction.” To the fella’s, “Whose with me on this design. So many front thighs on Linda Carter?”

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This could work… right? Kaepernick symbolizes “Colin-izaton” and the upside down flag represents our distress?

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Now here is a new flag design with the flag in distress… or maybe not. Did I mention nothing says America better than SEX and the Exploitation of Women’s Bodies? But seriously fella’s am I right? Americans next official symbol? I could rock shorts like that!

It’s so hard to decide with all these great designs. I know, here is one that says America better than all the others. I heard the Trump campaign officially approved it. Hey at least it’s red, white and blue…

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With that in mind we could just do this

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Maybe if we all stand up and cover our heart, salute and sing while seeing Black Lives Matter people will actually start to believe it.

So did I succeed in finding the new symbol of America? Maybe. Maybe not. What I think we can all agree is there are many images which represent who America is and who we as Americans are today. Some of those images we can be proud of and some others not so much. PEACE

It’s not that strange… is it?


I enjoy the unusual, the oddity, the unexplained. Sometimes life seems most interesting and exciting when you can’t explain what you are experiencing. Today I offer us a chance to first use our eyes and then our minds to marvel at the strange things I have discovered on the internet. Come with me now if you will into a world of wonder and complete stupidity.

First we visit a well known literary and film figure, Voldemort. I believe we have a rare look at his infant child. Don’t ask who the mother is. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Ok I’ll give you a hint. Her last name starts with Kardashian.

Now let’s see what the Voldemort family cat thinks of the new bundle of joy

Next we hear from our friends over in Thailand to see what strange and amazing creatures they have discovered this week. See if you know what the heck this is And I don’t think you put it on your salad:

Or which alien autopsy special they stole this from

Next we travel to Russia where the 7th grade science fair is marveling over its latest entry. The four hoe spider tractor?

Then we are on to Scandinavia where some people are finding new ways to help the economy and at the same time create some competition for IKEA. Let thePEOPLE be the furniture. Hey don’t knock it. The furniture assembles itself! On the other hand it can be hell to clean…

Then we are back in the US where the debate of who can marry still rages on. However with this new ring getting divorced is a lot more painful than before.

Also from the US is the love of a boy and his dog… gone completely wrong! Just the fact that they posed for this photo gives me chills. Can anyone say “sweater fail?” Hey ladies hurry, he’s still single, but not for long…

This next photo shows a cautionary tale. This is what happened when the octo-mom went in for artificial insemination again. What she didn’t know was that Hagrid was the sperm donor. Hello little Hagrid. Coo-chi Coo-chi Coo – Holy crap who’s going to change that diaper?

Rubeus Hagrid
Rubeus Hagrid (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Finally we travel to Ecuador (or southern California)  where I want you to meet one of my very favorite insects in the world. Here is a truly fearless creature that attacks and subdues tarantulas. Meet TARANTULA HAWK! (a.k.a. pepsis wasp)

I hope you have enjoyed this fascinating journey around the globe to see some of the worlds marvels. Which of these photos are real and which ones could be fake? I aint tellin’. that’s all part of the mystery.

You EAT what you ARE


Little, Lisa Simpson?

I like to eat… food. In recent years my way of eating has changed. One might even say it has evolved. Along the way on my journey of discovering different diets and even philosophies about eating I have heard many names for these eating lifestyles. I wanted to take moment to share some of them with you, my beautiful blog begotten brethren and sisthren?

Please enjoy my interpretation and “updated” definitions for these well known, and some not so well known, food choice terms.

Vegan – Perfect Picture of Precise Produce Pristinely Prepared Per Perennial Procedure… Posthumously. A case could be made that this diet is the closet to a divine diet in existence. This might be what angels eat. Hear that honey? I called you an angel.

Raw Vegans – I used to think these were pretentious Vegans who were also nudists. You know, walking around eating veggies in the “the Raw.” Then someone told me it just meant they won’t eat any food heated over 118 degrees. That might be why they all moved away from Phoenix where just putting your food on the kitchen counter can get it up to 120.

Herbivore – (this is just for point of reference) They eat a huge amount of plants and grow to become gigantic (elephants, rhinos, hippos, moose, elk, that guy down the street who barely fits into his SUV) so the (true) Carnivores (wild predators) will have something to eat.

Vegetarian – I used to think this type of diet was one to strive for. I have since learned that this really means you suck at being a Vegan because you won’t give up CHEESE. You’re an addict and you need HELP!

Flexitarian – a.k.a. “Semi-vegetarianism.” And now we come to the Flip Floppers of the food world. These idiots have the audacity to SAY they are Veg or Vegan but will eat both Fish and Chicken at the drop of a hat. That would be sort of like a nun saying that sometimes she acts in pornographic movies but she mostly spends her time at the orphanage with the children.

Omnivore – These people are at least honest enough to admit they will eat anything that crawls or falls on their plate. I have no respect for them but at least their honest… sort of.

Carnivores – People… (that’s right, I said people) who think they are carnivores may be in for a surprise when they claim this as their style of eating. They will discover this actually means that they only eat RAW MEAT, just like lions, tigers, leopards, cheetahs, vultures, etc.  Truth is these people are probably omnivores… see above.

Special BONUS definitions section:

Hand-to-Mouthitarian – these represent many of us in America who have far too many food choices within easy reach, most of which are full of flavor and a free ride to the FAT SLOB institute for the Morbidly Obese. They will eat whatever comes through the window of their car at the drive through.

Level 5 Vegan – (As used on the Simpsons episode “Lisa the Tree Hugger“) These uber foodists won’t eat anything that casts a shadow. Seriously, if it’s not molds, spores and belly button lint they won’t touch it.

Vegansexual – Now I seriously thought this meant you were one of those people who was  going to introduce fresh veggies and fruits into your love life. I was then corrected when I was told these are people who are only interested in having sex with other vegansexuals who were born from bean pods and water lilies. Thank goodness for honest friends to tell me the truth.

Let me know what you think?

Help Unclog my Blog!


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cabbage (Photo credit: uberculture) Could this be the vegetable of the century ?

I am at a loss. How can anyone blog everyday and still think they have more to say without knowing they are really just wasting peoples time with their rants, raves, opinions, troll like behavior, profiling, gossip, slander, make up tips, get rich quick schemes, and invitations to participate in an anonymous cheese eating challenge for closet vegans. Well friends, I am here to tell you I HATE BLOGS! God, I hate them SOOOO much I think I am starting to hate myself right this minute as I am writing these very words. In fact, I’m now just typing with one finger because my other hand is reaching for my throat in an attempt to choke the life out of me. “Stop it right hand. What the hell!?” (sdfghjk dfghiporgt b ivbper gv ef vb) Oh great! Now my right hand (trg bt v ntwrv ewrg) is pounding my left hand while I try (bjniwrgv  vo3trb bv[tr bgt) to type the rest of (vttgw  b tr) this blog. Just a minute… I’ll be right back. …  …  … … Okay, I’m back now with my right arm duct taped to my torso. HA! take that you self righteous right arm! As I was saying. Blogging sucks (well just most of it) and I think there are way too many people who have taken this free speech thing FAR too far.

They’ve got to be stopped. So I will dedicate the place on the world wide web that we all know and love as MickGee’s Madness to seek out and bring to light these offending bloggers and set things right. I WILL find them. I WILL troll them. I WILL highlight them and comment about them on my blog. Yeah (awkward pause) that’ll show em!

Just to give you an idea of the things I have read. Listen up and be amazed. There are people with blogs with the following titles. You tell me if any of these will make you instantly barf like I did.

1) Catwatch Day 65 Hairballs Ahoy!

2) My Colonoscopy (a Video Blog)

3) Girls, what to wear when there’s an itch down there.

4) Gee I just saw G I Joe.

5) What’s App Doc!?

6) How to beat your girl and get away with it – a six part series on woman torture.

7) How “other people” are still not better than whites

8) Obama don’t got no momma. How our president is really just a clone

9) Pull my finger – a list of the best fart gags and jokes of the 20th century.

10) The Steaming Pile – how to tell the health of any living creature from it’s poo.

These are but a few examples of the kinds of things people think is okay to post on the internet and have you waste your time reading. If you’re like me I don’t have time to waste reading total nonsense. Especially those blogs with so many words. Seriously people. Come on! Because of twitter I can barely read more than 140 characters at a time. So you are lucky if I can make it through your 500 word blog on why Cabbage is the vegetable of the century.

Stay tuned next time for more MickGee’s Madness!